starting traditions

Lately I have been trying to focus on living each day as if it were my last. Not to sound macabre, but since Vivan’s birth I have just been so overcome with gratitude for how good we truly have it, that I have to fight off fears that it’s all about to go away. Pair that post-partum anxiety with recent events in the news (and maybe that Mayan calendar thing – kidding) and I have just been all the more determined to enjoy each moment and not let the daily stresses of life bog me down. I am working on freeing myself from worry (which the past year had really given me some practice in) and repeating to myself the mantra that “God has always shown me how he is able to do immeasurably more that I could ask or imagine, and I have every reason to believe he will continue to do so.” In light of my new Freedom from Fear quest, this Christmas season has been especially joyful. In addition, this year is the first year Liam really “gets” Christmas and is anticipating it with excitement. So, we have been thoughtfully creating family traditions that we can enjoy with our kids for years to come.

For several years we have had the tradition of heading out to my parents’ house in Shelton (aka: “Christmastown USA” – the largest producer of Christmas Trees) the day after Thanksgiving and cutting down our own tree from a farm near their house. Rain, sleet, or snow, we always enjoy walking acres through the woods to find the perfect one. It was a lot different this year with 4 little ones in tow (including my brother’s twins) and it took some shuffling to carry all the kids and trees back to the cars.

Liam is my star helper in the kitchen. “Time to put on our aprons!” he’ll tell me. Since the weather has turned colder we have been baking at least once a week, and since I’m breastfeeding I am always hungry so the constant trays of treats on the counter are wonderful! This month we have already made at least six different varieties of holiday goodies.

One thing I was really looking forward to when Liam started school this year was school concerts! Seriously I have always dreamed of packing into a crowded lunchroom and sitting on benches to watch fidgety preschoolers all dressed up try their best to remember the songs they have practiced for weeks. Even before I had kids, I could never watch a group of toddlers sing “Away in a Manger” without tearing up in anticipation that someday that would be my kid. Well, my wish came true! He practiced in front of the mirror for weeks, he put on his sweater vest and suit, he followed his classmates in line to the stage, he rang his jingle bells, belted “We wish you a Merry Christmas”, and he made me proud!

I am so glad we live in a place where there are so many great holiday events to choose from. In fact, there are so many that it is impossible to do all of them. So, we decided that we would pick just a couple each year to do and then rotate. This year we chose “Lights of Christmas” at Warm Beach Camp in Stanwood. We had been there before the first year we were married so luckily this time I knew that it was neither warm, nor a beach. It was a freezing cold walk in the woods to a magically decorated festival of lights, food, train rides, pony rides, fresh doughnuts, and fun. Liam was enchanted. On the way back to the car Phil carried Vivian and I held Liam’s hand as we walked silently through the dark forest in the icy fog. Liam whispered to me, “I love you Mama, this was really fun, thank you for taking me here.”

We decided that it would be a good to start the tradition of letting our kids give each other Christmas gifts. Vivian is giving Liam a shirt that says “Best Big Bro.” She thought he would like it because he has been wearing his “Big Brother” t-shirt pretty much every time it comes out of the dryer, so she thought he needed a long-sleeve version for the winter. When I asked Liam what he wanted to get Viv he knew right away, “a buddy”, he said. He has a special elephant that he sleeps with every night so he wanted her to have a special friend too. One day I sat down with him and let him search online for the one he wanted to get her. After careful consideration he decided on a pink fox wearing a dress. He was thrilled when the UPS man delivered it and he helped me pick out the paper to wrap it in. He asked me how to spell “To Vivian, From Liam” and then put it under the tree proudly. “She’s going to be so excited!” he said.

Wednesday morning I awoke to Liam standing by my bed, “Mama it’s snowing!" he said in a whisper-scream. Even though it was much earlier than I wanted to wake up, his excitment took me back to being a kid and waking up to snow. Then comes the frantic rush to put on snow clothes over pajamas in order to get out an play before it melts. I convinced him he needed to use the bathroom before going out. He nervously rushed in and then came out with his pants still around his ankles, “did the snow go away yet?” he asked fearfully. I assured him it would last at least until after breakfast so he happily went out and played until his fingers froze. Then I dried him off, wrapped him in a blanket and we sat and ate oatmeal, watching the birds take shelter in our birdhouse.

Last night we started another new tradition that I think is going to be my favorite. We went through the usual bedtime routine, teeth brushed, pajamas on, story read, prayer and tucked in. We shut the door and then waited a bit before going back into his room. We asked him if he would rather do something special instead of going to bed. “Yes!” he said excitedly. So we piled into the car with blankets, travel mugs of hot chocolate, and “Christmas popcorn” (buttered air-popped popcorn with mini marshmallows and mini m&ms – I wonder if I am the first to invent this because it is good!). We turned up the Christmas music and drove around to the best decorated neighborhoods looking at lights. It was so much more fun than going to bed!

Today was the first day of Phil’s break from work and it couldn’t have been more perfect. We slept in and then sat around in our pajamas drinking coffee and eating croissants while playing with the wooden train set in front of the Christmas tree and singing carols together. Later we formed an assembly line and made treat bags to take to our neighbors. We made holiday m&m pretzel buttons and peppermint fudge, wrapped them in fancy gift bags, and tied notes to them all. After lunch we bundled up, Liam donned his santa hat, and we walked around the neighborhood visiting neighbors and meeting new ones. We have done this every year since we bought the house but it is definitely more fun with kids!

After a nap and dinner we all snuggled on the couch under a big blanket and watched “Charlie Brown Christmas” together before putting the kids to bed. Tomorrow we’ll watch “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” and then maybe “Rick Steves’ European Christmas Special.” I am loving these new traditions.

Oh, and I finally finished sewing the stockings I started thee years ago! It's gonna be a good Christmas!

the children's places

When Vivian was born I was pleasantly surprised to realize that I had a little girl. I had seen myself as a mother of boys so this was a bit of a mind-adjustment. After about a day I started to get excited...the clothes!...the hair styles!...the decorating possibilities! With my sweet baby being held hostage in the NICU all I could do to pass the time was google girly things to buy. Then I took a step back and realized this was way more overwhelming than shopping for a boy. And boy am I glad I had a boy first because I thought shopping for a baby was hard enough that time! If I was going to maintain my sanity, and our budget, I would have to hold off on buying into all the frilly retail hype and come up with a more realistic vision when it came to her nursery (which I had decided to do absolutely nothing to until after we came home from the hospital this time). So, my vision became "what can I make/recycle/repurpose to still give my sweetie an appropriately girly yet not-too-frou-frou room." Or rather, "a Pinterest-inspired handmade haven."

I started with the rug. It's made of recycled saris and I bought it years ago at a festival because I loved it, but it never really matched anything in our house. From it I picked a color scheme that was girly but not too pinkalicious. I decided on aqua, magenta, and mustard.

The furniture was all leftover from Liam (and was mostly Craigslist in the first place) except for the purple end table which was from my college years (goodwill and a can of paint) so from there I was at $0 spent! 

Here's where we start getting crafty. With the help of my mom we sewed the tiered ruffle bedskirt and valance (attached right over the old boy-themed fabric - to save from spending money on backing fabric).

My amazing sister-in-law, AnneMarie, made me this quilt scrap wreath for my birthday and it just happened to be the exact right colors! Add some Suess-esque frames from Hobby Lobby (you know I used my 40% off coupons!) and a stack of vintage children's books that belonged to my mom and we had ourselves and lovely bookshelf top display.

 AnneMarie also made this hand-stiched stork embroidered with Viv's name and birthdate...because she is only the mother of twins and has all the time in the world ;)

I replaced the dresser knobs with mis-matched colored glass ones (also 40% off at HL) which changed the whole look. The monogram frame was a gift from our good college friends and the doll is mine from childhood. Her name is Isabelly-button (à la my two-year-old self) and I made her a new dress to match the curtains.

And now for my big Pinterest copy: The embroidery hoop fabric circle wall display. Originally I was just going to include her first name out of metal letters which I spray painted, but then I saw the pre-made "Faith" script and couldn't resist. 

It makes me happy every time I'm in there with her, be it rocking her to sleep or changing a leaky diaper. I stare at this girlishness and think, "Wow! I have a daughter!"

The whole thing has been 90% done for about 3 months but I finally got around to finishing it, photographing it, and blogging it. So, grand reveal here you go (unless you have been to my house already and seen it in person, then it's old news).

And, because we couldn't let Liam be overshadowed. He got his very own "big boy room makeover" too. It has been a work in progress for about 5 months but I finally just finished the pièce de résistance quilt (ok it's far from perfect but I'm new to this quilting business!) In fact, the first photo was shot before I had taken the pins out but I had to set it up just to see how it looked. Don't worry, it's done now. He's not sleeping with pins in his bed. 

I copied the pennant flag idea from Pinterest and used a combination of fabrics from his baby room and new fabrics depicting things he likes (planes, elephants, "London busses").  The room is too small for a dresser and a bookshelf so we found this captains bed on CL and, once again, replaced the knobs with cuter ones. The overall theme is kind of "World Travel", hence the map, airplane wall decal, and zebra chair. It's about as themey as I could get without making it too babyish. Decorating is a lot of work so I don't want them to outgrow their rooms too soon!

So there you have it! "New" rooms for our kids, designed on a budget. And in case you were worried I'd let a whole post go by without including any cute baby photos, now you can rest assured.

the days are long but time is flying

Two months since my last blog post. Yeah, that pretty much sums up life around our house lately. It’s been a wonderful crazy time with lots of first for both of our kids.

Vivian’s first hike, first trip to the zoo, first smile…

Liam’s first day of school, first time sailing, first time watching a whole movie, first sick day…

Phil and I are both over-worked, overjoyed, over-tired, and over-the-moon for this little family of ours.

at home with our kids

Everyone has been asking how Liam is adjusting to being a big brother. It's really going so much better than I ever expected. I knew he would be alright since he has been "practicing" with his cousins Ari and Kaia for the past 9 months. But he has really surprised me at how loving and attentive he has been toward Vivian.

morning snuggles

he loves his sister

my two kids

Several times each day he asks to hold her, which he does for a few seconds and then announces that he's done. But I am so glad he is even interested in her at all. In fact, he sometimes asks at bedtime if she can sleep in his bed with him. He loves to hold her hand in the car when they ride next to each other and he is so pleased when she grabs his little finger. When he talks about our family or things we are going to do, he always adds "and Vivian too!". I am surprised at how he incorporated her in to our family right away and wants her to be a part of everything. I'm sure the jealousy will come sooner or later but I am so glad it has started out so well. 

reading together

This week is the first full week of Phil being back at work. I have started back working too (thankfully not that many hours yet) and it is a little hard to go back to our normal schedule after having such a wonderful time being all home together. Our "home vacation" was great while it lasted. We intentionally took time to do a few special things as a family, which made some really great memories. Over the course of the week we had a picnic at Seattle Center by the fountain, rode the monorail (something Liam has been asking to do), walked through Pike Place Market, went for treats at Cupcake Royale, rode the new ferris wheel downtown, had dinner on the pier, played at the park, and spent a lot of time in our back yard just being together. It was bliss. It was so perfect just being home together and enjoying our new life as a family of four, and being so thankful for our two healthy happy children.

welcome vivian faith!

We waited all day Thursday for the hospital to call us in for induction, but apparently it was a very busy day there and they never had a room for us. So, Phil took advantage of the beautiful sunny day and went golfing. I hung out at VBS with mom and AnneMarie and Liam. That night, there was still no call so we ended up getting to go to the VBS family night program where we got to see Liam and the other kid perform the songs they had learned that week. I was glad we got to do that because it meant a lot to Liam. He was so proud of himself and had a great time singing and dancing. Afterward he ran to me in the audience and said “Mommy I danced really loud for you!” It made me cry. They served ice cream cones outside the church and we watched the kids run around and play. Liam felt bad for me that I didn’t get to have ice cream (soon no more diet!) and kept offering me licks of his. AnneMarie let Ari and Kaia eat ice cream for the first time (don’t tell their daddy!) and they were really cute getting messy.

That night we stayed up watching tv and hoping the hospital would still call. I started having really strong contractions about 10 minutes apart for hours and I was hoping maybe I would just go into full labor and get to go in anyway. But they slowed down and I figured I should try to get some rest. Phil set his alarm and planned to go into work the next day so we wouldn’t waste another one of his vacation days.

Just before the alarm went off at 6am, the phone rang. I was so excited! They had a room waiting for me! We got ready fast and went in to say goodbye to Liam. “Where you going Mama?” he asked half asleep. “Daddy and I are going to have the baby come out of my tummy and you will stay here with Grandma ok?” I said. “The doctor will help you?”, he asked. “Yep, I love you Kiddo.” I teared up looking at him sleeping there, knowing our lives were about to change so much.

As we drove to the hospital the sky was dark and stormy with thunder and lightning. We arrived around 7:30 and got right into a room where they started monitoring me. My contractions were already pretty strong but still sporadic. Around 9am the doctor came in to check me and determined I was between 3 and 4 centimeters dilated and 60% effaced, not a bad place to start! Since I was already in early labor but contractions were starting and stopping, they decided to go ahead with the pitocin and started me on a low dose around 10:30. For hours I felt great. My contractions picked up but I was so excited to be there. Phil and I just hung out and talked. It was so nice to just be there spending time together. We read books, ate lunch, watched old episodes of Mythbusters. As my labor progressed I did some yoga and bounced on the exercise ball.

At 3:15 the baby gave me a big kick and I felt what I though was my water breaking, but I wasn’t sure (this baby has a tendency to kick my right in the bladder sometimes, ha ha, but this time felt different). Soon after that my contractions really began to get strong so I realized that probably had been my water. I felt like I should be moving around so I asked Phil to walk around the hallways with me. We walked for about half an hour and got back to our room just after 5pm where the doctor checked me again. This time I was 5 centimeters and 90%. They usually say it’s about 1 cm of progress per hour while in active labor so I though to myself, “Ok five more hours of this…I can do this.” I decided I wanted to walk some more to keep up the progress and just as I was about to get up I suddenly felt a little dizzy and needed to lay down.

Throughout the day I had been texting AnneMarie who was with my whole family to keep them updated. At 5:43 I texted “It’s starting to get intense but I’m doing good.” Little did I know how quickly things would happen after that! Within minutes I started to feel really nauseous and having trouble focusing my vision. Contractions were really picking up and I told my nurse that I almost felt like I needed to push but I though that couldn’t be true since I was only 5 cm. She said she would page my doctor. By the next contraction I told her more urgently that I definitely needed to push so she began calling for “any doctor right now!”. It was just at shift change so the doctor that had been with me was just leaving. One more contraction and I was yelling “I can’t not push!” so she hit the emergency call button and instantly there were ten nurses (but still no doctors!) in the room. They told me not to push so they could check my cervix first, but when they looked they saw the baby’s head and knew it was too late. The doctor who had just left to go home ran into the room with her purse over her shoulder and barely got her smock on in time. Just three pushes in five minutes and the baby was out. There were so many people that neither Phil or I could see right away so I asked “what is it?” He got a quick glance and said, “It’s a little boy…no, it’s a girl! It’s a girl! They wrapped her up and put her on my chest and I couldn’t stop kissing her. Phil leaned in to look at her and kissed me. It all happened so fast I felt like I was in a dream. After holding her a little while the pediatricians came in and wanted to see her because her breathing sounded not quite right. They took her to the NICU to check her out and Phil went with her. I lay there and realized, “I just gave birth…without anesthesia!...and it’s a girl!” I sat up in the now quiet room and looked out the window. Rays of sunshine had broken through the dark clouds.

I wanted more than anything to go be with the baby but I didn’t want to rush myself. When Liam was born he went to the NICU as well and I was in such a hurry to go see him that I stood up too soon and passed out and then they wouldn’t let me get up for hours. I knew Phil was with her and she would be fine so I rested and ordered myself some food. Plus, I was thrilled to be done with the low carb diet! Hello macaroni and cheese and chocolate cake!

My own doctor arrived then and came to ask me how I was. She was disappointed to have missed the birth but glad everything went well. She asked what we had named her, “Vivian Faith” I said, for the first time out loud. I choked up a bit. Then Phil came back to check on me. He told me she was doing great and the doctors were just checking everything out to make sure she was fine after all of the scares we had during the pregnancy. They had decided to do a chest x-ray and did see some air pockets around the lungs where they weren’t fully inflating, but they said that was pretty common and would most likely go away in a day or two. Still, they wanted to keep her in the NICU at least overnight to observe her breathing. I was really disappointed but not surprised. I had expected her to be in the NICU and was just relieved they didn’t need to do any procedures on her. Phil said he had been holding her and she was already rooting around looking for milk, so I should go try to feed her. After I finished eating we went down the hall to where she was. I held her and kissed her and brought her to my breast where she latched on right away. She fed so well and it was such an amazing thing to experience after all the trouble with feeding I had last time with Liam.

We stayed with her for a long time before moving to our recovery room on the next floor down. Mom and AnneMarie had said they were coming after Liam and the twins were in bed since it was too late for everyone to visit. They arrived before midnight and we took them up to meet Vivian. Since she wasn’t on any oxygen or anything I was able to continue feeding her every few hours throughout the night. She fed great every time, which was really reassuring. In the early morning light we stared at her and fell in love with her as it sunk in that she was our daughter. I watched Phil hold her and noticed how whenever he spoke she looked right at him with wide open eyes. She was daddy’s girl already. 

On Saturday morning we met with the NICU team to discuss her care plan. They basically said she was doing great and passing all of the tests…which is why they were so confused because based on the issues that had happened in pregnancy and the concerns they saw in the chest x-ray, they would not have expected her to be doing this well. They wanted to keep her a little longer for observation and then discuss the possibility of moving her to the special care nursery, which was closer to our room. I cried. She looked so fine to me that I didn’t understand why we couldn’t just take her home. We went back to our room where I cried some more. We kept making the trip upstairs every 2-3 hours to feed her. It was exhausting but something I looked forward to every time.

Around 3:00 Liam, Mom, Dad, Anne, Tim, Ari, Kaia, Frank came to visit. When Liam walked into our room we were all ready to hug him and tell him how much we missed him. We had read that the best way to introduce your child to their new sibling was to pay attention to them first, then ask them if they wanted to meet the baby. But Liam didn’t run to us like I expected, instead he walked right past us and began searching the room “Where’s the baby?” We picked him up and hugged him and explained that the baby was upstairs and we would go see her soon. Then we gave him a gift “from Vivian” that we had brought. It was just some coloring books and a stuffed monkey and a few other things, “She got me a present?” he said, so pleased. He was really excited.

We left everyone else in the room and held hands with him as we went down the hall to the elevators. We let him push the buttons, which he loved. We had to have him checked out at the NICU desk where they took his temperature and made sure he was healthy enough to enter. He noticed our I.D. bracelets which we explained gave us permission to visit baby Vivian, he insisted that he needed one too so the nurse made him one that said “Big Brother to Vivian”. He was very proud of it. We showed him how to scrub at the hand washing station before we entered, then we walked down the hall to her room. He looked in awe through the window of the incubator where she slept. We sat him down with a big pillow and put her into his arms. I was so proud of him and how interested he was in her. I didn’t know how he would respond but he seemed to be very happy to be a big brother. Later my mom told me how he had been wearing his “Big Brother” shirt all day yesterday as they waited for the news, and then he insisted on sleeping in it and wearing it again today. After a while Phil took him back to our room where he played with the books and things in his gift bag “from Vivian.” The rest of the family took turns coming in to see her as I fed her.

Around 4pm the doctors finally decided to move her down to the special care nursery on our floor. I was glad to have her nearer to us but I cried anyway because I really just wanted to take her home. At least now they would let her come to our room for feedings so I didn’t have to go up and down all the time. Later that night Phil’s Aunt Nancy and Uncle Mike came to visit.

On Sunday morning we met with our family practice doctors and they decided to move her into our room with us. I was so overjoyed to finally not be separated from her. We held her forever. We stayed in our room all day that day as people came to visit. We saw Phil’s cousin Susanna and her husband Kyle, then his Uncle Jim and Aunt Ingrid. Mom came again with Liam and Tim, AnneMarie, Ari and Kaia. This time the girls got to see her so we took some “girl cousin” pictures. Liam was still wearing his “Big Brother” shirt (and starting to smell a little). Mom even bought him a second shirt but he refused to change. After everyone left Phil went to get us some dinner that wasn’t hospital food. The food there wasn’t bad but I was eager to have sushi. It was great! The night was so much better just being able to feed her on demand instead of on a schedule.

Monday morning we were really hoping we would get to go home. We waited forever for different doctors to come talk to us and check different things “one more time.” It got to the point where it seemed like they were inventing new tests to do on her just to see how long they could make us stay there. She passed everything they did with perfect scores but I think they were so amazed at how well she was doing that they were intent on finding something wrong. Eventually they realized what we have know all along, that she is absolutely perfect. After waiting some more we finally signed our discharge papers. We dressed her up in her little outfit and tucked her into her car seat. We held hands and walked out of the hospital. We were finally going home to start our new life as a family of four!